The Author Within Me

This is me!

My journey started 2 years ago coming out of a what I realized was a deep seeded desire to write a story about a love so passionate that it blinds a man to his own reality and nearly drives him to the brink of madness, hi my name is Cary.

I grew up in the northwest suburbs in Carol Stream, IL. The struggle to write my first novel was nearly paralyzing. I have an 8th grade education and had no clue how to even start a novel. I sat down at my laptop and committed to just write 1 chapter. 3 months later I had a finished novel and outlines for the second and third.

It was mind blowing to think I had just written a regency romance novel. Where was all this coming from all the sudden at age 36? I am naturally an artist, painting free hand murals and faux finishes, but a romance novel...really? I was now in love with the idea and ran with it, as I do with everything in my life. With my second novel in the series near completion and the third started , I am now hunting for an editor.

(Sammy and her baby Mason)

In August of 2011 my first grandson (I hope for a while...lol) was born. I was over joyed! He is so perfect and a little chubby happy ball of love. With all the excitement it never dawned on me that I was going to have to stop writing for a long while. My daughter had just turned 16 years old when she bravely gave birth to our perfect little monkey butt. While still raising our two other children, my boys who are 15 and 13, I will now be taking care of a new baby. The sad reality washed over me. I was not going to be able to write anymore or at least for a long time.

For now I cure my desire to create characters and stories with short romantic tales, but still, it is not novel length. 6 months later it is becoming easier to find the time. I find myself staying up in the wee hours of the night to write two or three chapters. I'm trying and pushing myself to keep going and letting go of a dream to become published. I have wonderful support from friends and my two sisters and of course my greatest kids in the world, as every mom knows hers are...right?

I wouldn't change one second in my life. Everything I have done and will do has brought me to where I am right now. Life wouldn't be worth living if we didn't have some amount of struggles and challenges put in our path. For me, it drives my desire to write, paint, and live even more than I had the day before.


~ Update...I had written this post day before my laptop crashed and my house later that weekend started fire. So much has changed since that day I sat down to write this and I never took the time to finish it. Sadly for now my novels, outlines, and most of my short stories are held hostage in my other laptop. I am praying they can be retrieved soon. But for now, it will have to wait until I move, get settled, and divorced.

Tragedy has an interesting way of showing you what is not right in your life. The deep seeded desire to write a story about love and romance came from what I was lacking. Go figure. My eyes were opened wide to so may things I was choosing not to see. My hand was forced to choose different and I'm happy I have.

His Passionate Whispers of Desire

His deep sultry voice whispers, "You are a desire I can't run from Hanna."

He reaches his hand up and gently burshes a lock of her hair from her cheek. As his finger trails across her he leaves her skin burning with a deep wanting for him. Leaning in closer with his body craddling her from behind he sofly says, "Nor will I try to run from."

She suddenly felt alive. The sound of his voice sends sensations to places inside her she has not yet felt and her body quivers against him.

He touches her arm waiting for her responce. She draws in a quick breath and holds it. "Hanna," he whispers. Her eyes close as she feels the tips of his fingers glidding down her arm. He gazes down and watches his hand engulf her's. Slowly and gently as if in a suppended state he locks his fingers with her. She trembles in his hand and alondside his body. He knows she has never been touched in this way before. It excites him to think he is the first and he knows in his heart, he will be the last.

Hanna feels her head fall back and rest where his neck meets his strong shoulder. His other hand finds her waist and she lets out a quiet soft whimper of suprise. He draws her closer to him.

"Quinten," She Cries Out In A Moment of Pleasure. It Is A Torturous Fantasy That Plays With Her Nightly Ever Since That Night He Whispered Those Things To Her.

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Romantica Short Story ~ A Forbidden Love chapter 2

Chapter 2

Connor felt the fury of a hundred men run threw him. Heath has put his own sister up to this without her knowing it?

Heath flashed him a grin and then turned and left. Upon entering the carriage he looked to Missy. "Did he touch you?"

"No!" Missy replied. She turned away from him and stared out the window into the night. Connor. After all these years. He looks nothing like he use to as a child. The carriage hit a pothole and she felt the jolt. It shook her from the toughts. Heath was glaring at her and she could feel it. He had no right bargging out on the balcony like that. As if I am some child that needs a firm hand on me.

"Do not look at me that way Missy. You should be thanking me instead of squinting at me. If it was Father who had found you." He stopped and just shook his head. "I am no fool Missy. I am a man and I know just what Welling was thinking."

"You can be certian of no such thing Heath! Stop assuming and stay out of my business for once." She crossed her arms and her eyes fell back upon the window. The remainder of the carriage ride home was long. Neither of them said another word to one another.

Two days later at the Morton Ball

Missy felt Theresa's arm loop through her arm. "Do not tell me you have volunteered to chaperon me this evening Theresa." Missy received a sideways smile from her. "I gave my word I shall be on my best behavior."

"I respectful accepted the request knowing you would keep your promise. Your brother worries about you is all Missy."

She rolled her eyes. "Controlling is what he is Theresa and do not attempt to tell me different, he is my brother after all my dear cousin." Taking in a deep breath she finally said, "I was not aware it was Connor that night Missy." Theresa stopped and looked at her with a warm compassion. "I feel foolish for not recognizing him. If I had I would've never spoken to him. I love my brother and remain loyal to my family. Besides, I am certain he was unaware I was who I am as well."

Theresa began walking to the ball room again. "Oh I know he did not Missy."

Missy paused. "Why? What did he say to you?"

Theresa gazed into her wide pale blue eyes and saw a spark of more than just curiosity in them. She patted her arm lovingly and said, "I was getting the feeling he felt as foolish as you do is all."

Missy knew she was not going to be able to pry any more details out of her. Now was not the time.

Missy heard Heath's voice close by. Theresa squeezed her arm when she saw Garret. Her cousin was so in love with this man. Missy released her arm and gave Theresa a smile when she glanced back at her.

The couple left to the dance area leaving her to stand with Heath. She did her best to ignore him which wasn't hard given he was not much for conversation with her anyways.

"Missy! Missy!" She turned to see her good friend Elly. "I think everyone in the ton is in attendance tonight," Elly said.

"It most certainly feels that way. Elly, you are wearing my favorite dress on you. Pink is your best color." Elly smiles at her. "I am so happy you are back from the country. How was it?"

Elly smiles at her again. "You know I do not care for the country. This is what I love. All the balls and people. I feel out of sorts in the boring country." She gazed over to Missy's bother. "Good evening Heath." He turns slightly and gazes down at her and with a smile.

Missy steps between them and nudges Elly in the opposite direction. Walking away she said, "Do not pay him any of your attention. It would simply be but a waist El." After they had gone a good distance Missy whispered to her, "You are not going to believe what happened to me a few nights ago El."

"Do not keep me in suspense. What is it?"

Missy guides her up the staircase away from eager ears to gossip. "I met someone wonderful three nights ago."

El grabbed her arms. "Is he here tonight? Will you introduce us?" Elly saw her eyes sadden. "What is wrong Missy? Is he married?"

"No nothing like that. He is amazing and funny and so handsome I was melting in his arms when he kissed me?"

"You kissed him!"

"Shh El," Missy whispered. "Yes. After we had such stimulating conversation. I have never felt such a strong connection with another like I had with him. Heath found us on a balcony and dragged me away."

"Oh I see," Elly said. "Perhaps he will call upon you soon and then apologize to-

"No El. That will never happen. I am forbidden to see him and have been for many years now."

Elly tilted her head. "I'm confused."

"It was Connor Welling. Oh El, I did not even know it." Missy knew Elly would be as surprised as she was at the news.

"But how Missy? How did you not know?

"He did not know it was me either El." She gazed down over the increasing crowd. "I guess we have both changed so much these past ten years. El, he looks nothing like he had. He is built and so handsome and charming." Missy gazed back at Elly. "Why are you smiling like that at me?"

"Oh no reason other than you have been only kissed twice in your life and both by the same man. I find it romantic. Your very first kiss with the boy who you had a crush on, and now with the man who used to be that boy." Elly sighed. "It is fate Missy."

Missy rolled her eyes. "Really? Fate had me kiss the same person twice and both times fate also had my brother find me and drag me away. That is not fate El. Bad luck is what it is called."

"I do hope he is here tonight Missy. I want to see your future handsome husband," Elly said.

"Missy closed her eyes and then said, "I do not know way I talk to you anymore El. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard you say." Fate.

"What did Heath say when he discovered you with Welling?"

Missy turns to gaze out over the crowd. "He was his usual self. Mean, heartless, and angry. You know El. "Missy pauses and bits up her bottom lip. "He did not afford me a chance to explain."

"All on London knows how Heath and Connor feel about each other. You could not of been so surprised Missy. Besides, I happen to cross paths with Heath the other afternoon in the park and he was quite pleasant. He can be somewhat charming you know." Elly glances at Missy. "Oh stop gawking at me that way...he was very pleasant." Her voice trails off to a whisper.

Missy let out a huff and shakes her head at Elly. "If you find him to be so charming than perhaps you should go and seek him out El."

Elly places her hand on her hip and says, "Perhaps I shall do just that!" Elly spins around and leaves for the stairs.

"You can inform him I will be returning home shortly without an escort, thank you!"

Elly pauses and turns back to Missy but says nothing. Missy watches as Elly disappears into the ever growing crowd.

© copyright 2011



Chapter 1  Chapter 3    Chapter 4   Chapter 5   Chapter 6   Chapter 7



Chapter 8   Chapter 9   Chapter 10   Chapter 11  Chapter 12


Chapter 13

 

Romantica Short Story

~ Starting Monday ~ 

"Forbidden"

I will Post A

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A Romantica Short Story

From My "Ashton Series" Filled

With Love, Seduction, and of course...Romance. 

So Mark Your Calenders For Every Monday and Escape Into

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His Whispers In The Night 3rd Novel in the "Passionate Whispers of Desire Series"

Novel 3 In The "Whispers of Desire Series"

Sneak Peak at Chapter 1

Quinten stands in the large picture window thinking of her. His gaze falls down to a book left on the window seat before him. The leather is a pale lavender. Quinten picks it up and opens to the place that has been marked with a pink ribbon.


May 11, 1822

His deep sultry voice whispers to me, "You are a desire I can't run from Hanna."

He reaches his hand up and gently brushes a lock of my hair from my cheek. As his finger trails across me he leaves my skin burning with a deep wanting for him. Leaning in closer with his body cradling me with the strength of him, he softly says, "Nor will I try to run from."

I wanted nothing more then for him to take me. His gaze burns through me and finds the core of my heart and ignites it into an inferno. Am I his desire? How could those big brown eyes do so much to my body in a matter of seconds from across a room? It scares me to think what might happen if our lips were to ever touch.

When I close my eyes I can't help but think about his body pushing up against me. The power of his presence behind me makes my body tremble. He knows it too. I felt it. His breath deepened in my ear and left me in a poised state of waiting. Waiting for his words. Waiting for his touch. Waiting for his kiss. Is this what happens to lovers? All the confusion. The desperate longing. The need to feel something for him...anything. I want to scream stop and at the same time cry out for him to touch more of me.

"Hanna, you have never been kissed before have you?" Was I foolish for shaking my head no. Should I have tried to convince him of a false? Does he care if I have not?

"Quinten I-"

"Sshh," he whispers.

His lips graze my neck so very softly. It causes me to wonder what his warm moist tongue feels like elsewhere on me. He then trails them up to my ear and whispers, "Now you have." A rush from the cool night air fills the space where his body just was. I should have called out to him to come back but I was confused. I have never felt this way before. The smell of him when he draws near paralyzes my words. The very though of catching his eye thrills and terrifies in the same moment. How can I possibly want something so desperately and be frighted by what he may deliver onto me. My mind races to make sense of the moment while my body screams for him to touch all of me. My heart cries for him to embrace me tighter.

The notion of never being able to feel this way for another second in time causes distress within me. He has captivated my soul with his words, his gaze, his touch. How am I to turn away from this? Is it real? Is what I see in him real? 

My fantasies of him are growing more intense. The added reality of what I now know has mixed with the desire of the unknown.

"Quinten," I cry out in a moment of pleasure. It is a torturous fantasy that plays with me nightly. Last night I awoke heated and wet. He does the most wicked things to me in my dreams. He whispers sensual desires he carries for me.

I can no longer face him without my cheeks burning. All the sinful fantasies from the night before play in my mind as he gazes at me. I feel so foolish thinking naughty things of him in his presence. I must leave soon. Tomorrow I will spend the day avoiding him and then I will take my leave. There is simply no other way. For if I do not...I will give into this lust I hold for him. I feel, no, I'm scared I will only be left with a broken heart. Desire and lust are not love.

Hanna lay in her bed thinking of what she shall say in the morning as a reason to leave. She suddenly sits up and says, "My journal." Jumping the four feet down to the floor, she takes of swiftly walking towards the stairs. Panic is welling up within her. She knows she had left it on the window seat earlier and curses herself for doing so.

Making it down the two flights of stairs to the main floor, her walk now turns into a run. The room is all the way in the back of the estate where no one ever visits. The halls are dark with only spots of silver moonlight to illuminate her way.

She stops dead in her bare feet on the wood floors as she sees the glow of candle light from the crack under the doorway. "Oh God...no," she managed to pant out. She reaches out and turns the door knob.

Quinten turns towards her with the journal in his hands. She stands before him in her pale pink night gown breathless. Stands of her thick long black hair blow from her face with every exhale. The deep pink color of her cheeks warm her creamy soft skin.

Hanna backs up from the doorway realizing he has read it all. He sees the embarrassment flood her eyes open wider. She turns and begins to run towards the way she came.

"Wait Hanna, wait!" Quinten tosses the book onto a chair and takes off after her. She has a good head start but not good enough. Quinten soon catches up to her and grabs her by the arm spinning her body towards him. "Hanna please stop." He sees the tears glistening in her beautiful blue eyes.

She pushes against him. "Do not do this Quinten. Let go and let me be."

"I can't!" She pauses in his grasp. "I won't." Quinten loosens his grip. "Not ever Hanna. Not in this lifetime."

Hanna awoke with tears streaming down her face. A nightmare of a fantasy that had almost been real. She lay her head back to the soft comfort of the pillow turning her head towards the window. She gazes up at the stars and whispers, "Where are you Quinten?"